Hug Therapy
by cuddlesome
Summary: Kylo Ren hugs FN-2187 for some much-needed oxytocin.
1. Accidental Hugging (It's a Thing)

The first time someone in the First Order hugged Kylo Ren it was quite by accident.

Stormtrooper FN-2187 found himself trapped at the end of a one-way hallway on Starkiller while on sanitation duty. This in and of itself would not be so bad, except that there was danger fast approaching in the form of who he recognized as the First Order's resident spitfire, Kylo Ren.

FN-2187 had not yet seen Ren or his lightsaber before, but he recognized both the moment he saw him stomping down the hallway. FN-2187 used to think that Nines was laying it on thick when he described Ren's cataclysmic temper tantrums. He could see at that moment that there was no need for exaggeration. With the largest swipes of his blazing lightsaber, Ren roared at the walls like they had said something to personally offend him. The smell of melting durasteel filled the hall.

FN-2187 stopped mopping the floor and stared a bit in awe before the realization set in that he was right in the way of Ren's warpath. Anyone else that may have been in the hall earlier had the sense to clear out. He dropped his mop and turned to run before belatedly remembering that Ren was coming from the only exit. FN-2187 turned back, feeling the all-too-familiar sweat start to build up on his forehead beneath his helmet. As if to emphasize the stormtrooper's doom, one of the wild lightsaber swipes hit the lights. The far dimmer emergency lights kicked in, but they only served to emphasize the ghoulishness of Ren's approaching figure.

There was only one choice. FN-2187 set his jaw. He would have to run and try to dodge by Ren. He waited until Ren got close, then made a break for it.

His plan—though it was almost too simple to be called that—fell through spectacularly. For, in his haste, he had forgotten about the area he had just mopped. FN-2187 only had time to let out a sharp, startled "Whoa!" as he slipped on the wet floor and then face-planted against the chest of the master of the Knights of Ren. Before he could fall the rest of the way, Ren dropped his lightsaber and caught him by his biceps. The lightsaber dropped to the ground with a clunk and hiss as it deactivated.

FN-2187 started sweating even more then and his breathing bordered on hyperventilating. Dead. He was dead and he had not even seen battle yet. To his surprise, though, Ren did not throttle him right then and there. As a matter of fact, if FN-2187 had to best describe the way in which Ren wrapped his arms around him and clasped him against his black-clothed body in the next moment, he would say he was hugging him.

"U-uh. Lord Ren, sir?"

Crushed as he was against his superior officer, FN-2187 could plainly see the frayed quality of Ren's woven capelet with far more clarity than he ever wanted to. He attempted to extricate himself from Ren's hold, only to have Ren more or less crush him and lift him a few inches off the ground. FN-2187's air supply lessened as the already restricting armor cut further into his body. He ended up face-to-face with Ren's inscrutable helmet.

"Be silent and don't struggle if you value your life," Ren said, then added, as if to validate what he was doing, "I need this."

Needed what? A bunch of plastoid stormtrooper armor digging into him through his cloth robes?

In an attempt at appeasing him, FN-2187 nodded. Mercifully, Ren set him down, making FN-2187 realize in the process how kriffing tall he was.

As if nothing had occurred, Ren went back to hugging him with the same fervor as before. FN-2187 tried to decide what to do with his hands, feeling awkward with his arms dangling at his sides. After much debate, he ended up settling them on either side of Ren at the hips, ready to pull back at a moment's notice.

"Don't just do it halfway, trooper."

And so FN-2187 ended up wrapping his arms completely around Kylo Ren's waist. They stood like that for a while. Ren's mask did not pick up the sound of his breathing, but FN-2187 could see the rise and fall of his broad chest right in front of his visor. It started out in harsh, quick swells with each breath, a testament to his residual anger and exertion from going berserk with his lightsaber, but slowly they became less pronounced and even as Ren relaxed.

The trooper's stomach turned over when Ren leaned down, adjusting his position to tuck his head over FN-2187's shoulder. Startled, he turned to look. The resulting clack of their helmets and Ren's reprimanding snarl had him looking forward again, this time over Ren's shoulder. He stared down the corridor, praying that no one important happened along and saw his predicament. The only witness to the spectacle ended up being a mouse droid working on a maintenance panel not three feet from them, who FN-2187 decided he trusted to keep a secret.

Meanwhile, Ren used his fingers to investigate the slots between the pieces of FN-2187's armor where the body glove stood out. FN-2187 concentrated on trying not to flinch or giggle when Ren hit on the ticklish spots. Best not to chance that Ren would think he was laughing at him.

Maybe it was one of Ren's mind tricks, but the longer the hug went on the more comfortable with the awkward and highly unprofessional situation FN-2187 became. He settled further into Ren's hold until he was all but boneless. The stormtrooper ranks did not offer many opportunities for public displays of affection beyond the occasional high-five or congratulatory punch on the shoulder. Although it was with Kylo Ren, FN-2187 could appreciate affectionate physical contact like this. It was one of the few times in his life he could remember receiving it.

"The Supreme Leader does not believe me ready to complete my training," Ren said suddenly.

Even with the voice scrambler, FN-2187 could hear the sulky quality to Ren's voice. That explained what he had been upset about, then, but FN-2187 was not sure that that explanation justified the level of havoc Ren had wreaked on his workstation.

In a misguided attempt at comfort, FN-2187 said, "I'm sure you'll be ready someday—"

"I do not recall giving you permission to speak," Ren snapped. "That aside… even you, a lowly stormtrooper, do not think that I'm ready."

FN-2187 bit the inside of his cheek. Ren pulled his head back and stared him down for a moment. FN-2187 imagined he was probably glaring at him. It did not help that his helmet gave him a perma-angry look.

The hug ended in a less climactic way than it began. Ren ended up shoving him away and turning on his heel to leave without a word. His dropped lightsaber soared to his outstretched hand. FN-2187, after a moment spent gawking at his first experience with the Force, tried to muster up something to say.

"I'm glad you were just hugging me and not squeezing me to death"? "You're really warm, you know, I could feel it through my gloves"? Nothing he came up with seemed appropriate, so he let Ren keep walking. Oddly enough, though, Ren paused for a moment, back to FN-2187, and said something himself.

"Thank you."

FN-2187 blinked.

"I may be requiring your services again soon," Ren said, then continued on his way.

Services? He made it sound like the hug had been a transaction. Or something incredibly sexual. Nevertheless, FN-2187 felt a small thrill at the idea of doing it again.

As soon as Ren was out of sight, FN-2187 uncrossed his arms from around himself, realizing with a twinge of embarrassment that it was an attempt to replicate the gesture from the enigmatic knight. The mouse droid, who had long since finished with its work, tittered in what FN-2187 could only assume was a mocking fashion.

"Oh, shut up," FN-2187 grumbled, picking up his discarded mop and minding the area he had slipped on earlier.

He went back to work, wondering whether or not clean floors would matter next to the wrecked walls.


	2. For the Cuddles

In the days following, FN-2187 could not shake the thoughts of his prolonged hug with easily the most bristly person on Starkiller. There were hours of agonizing over it in and out of training, residual shivers, and pitiful failures to replicate the experience with many a pillow. He had tried to explain his sudden desire for physical contact to Slip, once, and was met with a blank, confused stare. Maybe it did seem pretty weird out of context, but it would probably be weirder if he explained how he had discovered it after an accidental cuddle with Kylo pfassking Ren.

All of this stress finally led him to break stars knew how many rules in the pursuit of another hug.

He had to trade Slip half of his allotted rations for a week to cover for him while he snuck off in case Phasma decided to do one of her spontaneous room checks at 0000 hours. FN-2187 did not have clearance to be in the sector he was in, but he walked with the confidence of someone who did. It seemed to be sufficient enough; no one stopped him. He just had to stay calm and fake it to make it. He repeated variations on this mantra to himself under his breath as he went, pausing in it only for a few seconds at a time whenever he ran into someone else in the hallway.

FN-2187 only screwed up this process once when he turned a corner and ran headlong into a petty officer. "Stay calm, stay calm, stay—evening, sir!"

Finding Kylo Ren's chambers ended up being much easier than he anticipated. The door to his room was by itself and tucked away, yes, but the walls were decorated with enormous swaths of lightsaber marks. No doubt whichever teams were responsible for cleaning up his messes refused to go close enough to his living space to be in danger of running into him in the flesh instead of just his handiwork.

Once he knocked on the door and it slid open, though, FN-2187 was sure he had the wrong place.

"I informed all the stormtroopers in this area not to disturb me while I'm meditating." The person who answered the door all but spat. "This better be important."

"Uh." FN-2187 floundered.

The man was certainly large enough to be Kylo Ren. His body filled up the doorway with his ridiculous height and broad shoulders. He stared down at FN-2187 with his eyes narrowed and lips pursed, and the amount of critical disapproval radiating off of him from that expression definitely reminded FN-2187 of Ren. Not to mention he wore all black robes.

But it couldn't be—could it?—because this man looked less like a raging madman with a lightsaber and more like an overgrown teenager with daddy issues.

There was a sudden look of discomfort on the man's face, further exacerbated when he reached up and patted his head. He chomped down on his lower lip in a way that looked supremely uncomfortable, then glared at FN-2187 with newfound intensity. It occurred to FN-2187 he was staring and stormtrooper helmets were kind of creepy to look into for a long period of time. He hastened to explain himself away so he could leave.

"I apologize for disturbing you, sir"—he was not entirely sure that this man warranted that address, but it could not hurt to be on the safe side—"I have the wrong room."

He turned to go, wondering how that hairstyle had gotten past regulation.

Just as FN-2187 thought it, the man said, "I shaved it all off, once."

FN-2187 started and turned back. The man was smoothing the thick, wavy locks of hair away from his forehead. If he didn't know any better, he would say he was posturing.

"I much prefer it this way. The only shortcoming is that I overheat while wearing my helmet."

And here he reached out the hand he had been running through his hair. From somewhere within the room Kylo Ren's helmet levitated through the air and into his grasp. He gestured with it, as if to ask, "Recognize me now?"

"Ah," FN-2187 managed. "Well, in that case, I just wanted to—I really—"

Words failed him. With an inarticulate noise, he threw his arms around Ren's middle. For a moment, Ren stiffened, and FN-2187 wondered if he had made a life-ending decision coming here. Then Ren melted into the touch, enfolding FN-2187 in his hold and snuggling him close, the dark helmet held somewhere over FN-2187's shoulder. It was just like before, but better, because now Ren was sufficiently less pissed off and there was the unexpected bonus that FN-2187 could see his face, eccentric as it was.

The distinctive sound of footfalls coming down the hallway and abruptly stopping caused FN-2187 to jolt. Ren scowled over FN-2187's shoulder at the interruption. FN-2187 twisted around to see Lieutenant Mitaka wearing a very concerned expression.

"L-lord Ren, what in the blazes—" Thinking better of trying to question Ren, Mitaka turned his attention to FN-2187. "Trooper, what is your designation?"

Ren muttered a curse and uncurled part of the arm with the hand not holding the helmet from around FN-2187.

With a strange sort of weight to his voice and a wave of his fingers, Ren said, "You didn't see anything, lieutenant."

"I didn't see anything," Mitaka parroted, a glazed look coming over his eyes.

FN-2187 looked back and forth between them. How did the Force work, anyway?

"Good, now leave us alone."

This statement was ordered a bit less like an authoritative command from a powerful figure and more like an unsociable child's demand. It got emphasized by Ren clasping his arm back around FN-2187 and the squeeze that followed. FN-2187 felt a bit like a stuffed Ewok.

Mitaka, after affirming Ren's direction, continued on his way. Disaster averted. That could have been a lot worse. He might have witnessed Ren asphyxiating the guy.

FN-2187 sighed and pressed his helmet firmly against Ren's chest. Not a moment afterward, FN-2187 realized it probably was not comfortable for Ren to have a plastoid helmet, even rounded as it was, digging right into his chest. He backed up, but Ren seemed disappointed with the separation, uncomfortable though the contact must have been.

Ren untangled himself fully, as if in retaliation, then turned to his room. "I'd rather not have to compel anyone else who happens along. Follow me."

After a life of following orders, FN-2187 started to obey without much thought, but he hesitated at the threshold. "One doesn't follow a wild beast into its lair", after all. He peered inside nonetheless, taking in the Spartan layout, a tabletop covered in ash where Ren deposited his helmet, and what appeared to be another enshrined dark helmet that had seen better days. No dead bodies, thankfully for FN-2187's sanity. After he heard the sound of someone else approaching, FN-2187 finally mustered up the courage to follow Ren inside.


	3. Consulting the Melted Helmet

Ren strode back over to FN-2187 after taking care of his helmet. His boots made every step loud and clomping. FN-2187 felt a bit intimidated by the rapid advance. Still, somehow he knew that Ren was not intending to scare him at that moment. He just had that sort of overlarge, predatory presence like a fast-approaching varactyl. And the longer he spent in that presence, the more endearing the mess of a man became.

When Ren stood before him, he reached out to grab the sides of FN-2187's helmet, then hesitated. "May I?"

Now that was the loath tone of someone who did not ask for the go-ahead often. FN-2187 supposed that Ren would know the security that wearing a helmet offered well. He hesitated a bit, himself, then nodded. The helmet got all but ripped off and tossed aside.

A gloved hand alighted on FN-2187's right cheek the moment his face got exposed. Kylo Ren stared at him with an intensity that FN-2187 could not for the life of him read. He stayed still as Ren rubbed a thumb over his cheekbone.

FN-2187 laughed in an attempt to diffuse the sudden tension. "Do you do this with all the stormtroopers?"

"Only the ones I like."

FN-2187 let his disappointment slip before he could think about it. "Oh."

"That consists of you and you only, trooper." Ren's hand slid to FN-2187's shoulder.

"Oh!" FN-2187 had not guessed that the master of the knights of Ren would be the type for jokes, even deadpan ones.

Ren smiled—actually smiled!—at him. It was a tiny curve of the corners of his lips and gone just as soon as he registered it. All the same, FN-2187 felt compelled to give a huge smile back.

There was a plasticky-sounding series of noises as Ren tapped at one of FN-2187's shoulder guards. FN-2187 took the hint and began the process of removing his armor. After about a minute, most of the pieces were on the floor. FN-2187 was still not over how Ren had managed to stand hugging him with it on before. The thought of how the once-muffled sensations of bodily contact would feel without the barrier of his armor gave FN-2187 pause. This pause was just as he was in the middle of slipping his breastplate off. His were arms bent near his head with the connective plating pressed against them. Which resulted in him being stuck. Phasma would have his head if he had ever made such a basic mistake with the armor he wore every day of his life. Before he could lament his mistake too much, Ren pulled the breastplate off of him.

"Thank—whoa!"

Ren had gotten close to take the breastplate off and toss it away, then wasted no time in pulling FN-2187 to him. FN-2187's habit of pressing his head against Ren's chest earned him a faceful of sinewy man cleavage. Not an unwelcome sensation. His hug seemed even tighter and touchy-feely than before. Broad, questing fingers outlined the muscles in FN-2187's back, framed his shoulder blades, and trailed down his vertebrae. FN-2187 could feel something more than Ren's fingers pressing in on his body—the Force?—massaging the tightness out of his muscles, too. FN-2187 shuddered at the foreign sensation.

FN-2187 settled his hands on Ren's back and attempted to reciprocate. Even knowing he could not exactly do magical acupressure, it was worth a shot. He found Ren even tenser than he was. Every thew was wound up and, it seemed to FN-2187, on the borderline of snapping. Exactly how stressed out was Kylo Ren?

Before he could do much to attempt to remedy Ren's tenseness, though, Ren pulled away for once. "I want to show you something."

He dragged FN-2187 along to the end of the room. FN-2187 did not protest at the bit of handholding that resulted from the action. He enjoyed the feeling in spite of Ren's gloves creating a barrier between them. They went around a chair, then came to a halt in front of the melted-looking helmet FN-2187 had noticed upon entering the room. Ren wrapped an arm around FN-2187's waist, which FN-2187 decided he liked even more than the handholding.

"This is the helm of my grandfather," Ren paused, as if for effect, then concluded, "Darth Vader."

" _The_ Darth Vader? Whoa."

FN-2187 looked at the dilapidated lump of metal. He tried to match it up with the holos of one of the Empire's most prominent figures from the history he had been shown during his training. Then he realized that Ren looked at him expectantly.

FN-2187 panicked. Could Darth Vader actually hear him through this? Had he already heard his thoughts like Ren could? What did one say to a Sith lord, exactly?

"Hi!"

Nailed it.

FN-2187 cleared his throat and tried again. "Hi, Mr. Vader, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The helmet didn't say anything. FN-2187 decided that was probably a good thing.

"Grandfather, this is…" Ren turned to FN-2187. "I don't know your name."

"Couldn't you have read my mind for it?"

"I could have, but I didn't."

It was times like this FN-2187 remembered Kylo Ren was kind of a jerk. He wondered exactly what placeholder name Ren had given him in the meantime if he didn't know his designation. "Stormtrooper", he realized with a sinking feeling.

"Well, I'm FN-2187. My friends call me '87." Maybe "friends" was a strong word, but his squad did call him that.

"Grandfather, this is stormtrooper FN-2187. I have discovered that he assists in curbing my temper with his embraces, which, while not beneficial to me in my pursuit of the darkness, would make the damages to Starkiller and the _Finalizer_ lessen. It also makes me feel…"

And here Ren trailed off, which bummed FN-2187 out a bit. He figured that Ren had entered some sort of a trance, because he stared at the helmet for a long time.

"I see." Ren nodded, then looked at FN-2187. "After consulting with my grandfather, I've decided that I want you to have dinner with me."

"You mean… like a date or something?"

Sheltered as FN-2187 was from the galaxy, he knew what a date was: a romantic rendezvous, usually coordinated around an activity. Like dinner, for example. It was against regulation for anyone in the corps to engage in such activities. But then, it was against regulation for a stormtrooper to sneak off to a sector they were not assigned to, particularly at this time of night, and undoubtedly also against regulation to hug Kylo Ren. At this point going on a date would be the least of his offenses.

Ren's face reddened and he bit his lip. "More or less."

Did he blush like that when he had the mask on sometimes? Most likely. What a shame his face was hidden most of the time, he looked so cute like this.

"Cute?" Ren echoed FN-2187's thoughts, sounding mystified.

FN-2187 felt heat rushing to his own face.

"Sure I'll go to dinner with you, that'd be awesome," he said hastily. "I'd be honored, sir."

Ren looked reluctant to let the "cute" thing go. Still, he became distracted by FN-2187's babbling about the where and when of their date. They settled on a time where both of their schedules allowed for it.

FN-2187 put back on his armor and helmet in preparation to leave. He gave Ren a quick goodbye hug, not much more than a squeeze around the middle, then headed for the door.

"FN-2187!" Ren shouted.

FN-2187 almost tripped in his haste to turn around, deliberating what he had done to make Ren angry.

"You…" Ren flexed his fingers, staring at the floor. "…it was… kind of you to visit me, but don't come here again without me accompanying you for clearance."

Aw, he did care.

FN-2187 ended up making it back to his quarters in record time. Lucky. Maybe the Force was with him or something.


	4. Kayo

Training for the next day involved taking simulated prisoners hostage. That relieved FN-2187. He felt better about doing training for missions that would not involve killing anyone. He tried not to think too hard about how the theoretical prisoners would have fates worse than death. That is to say, interrogation and torture after he hit them with charged blue particles from his blaster's stun setting.

The moment FN-2187 became available after his training, Kylo Ren met him. More specifically, he waited until FN-2187 walked out of the training simulator. Then he grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into a shadowy corridor. Luckily for them both, FN-2187 realized who he was before his self-defense training could kick in. It would not do to whack his temperamental date with the butt of his blaster. They had arranged to meet a bit later and not this close witnesses, but evidently Ren had been overeager.

"Good evening," Ren said.

Either the vocoder was especially out of whack that day or he sounded almost… happy. It would not be so strange except for the fact that Ren's voice usually had a strain of some sulkiness or aggression or both. To think that he, of all people, was the one to bring out that happiness. FN-2187 pulled at Ren's shoulders, forcing him to hunch down until he was at his height. Then he pressed the foreheads of their helmets together with a small clunk. Not a kiss, not even close, but FN-2187 decided he liked it a lot and should act on impulse more often.

Captain Phasma kind of ruined the moment, though.

"FN-2187?" Her voice, colored with her trademark disdain, sounded off behind him.

FN-2187 did not have a chance to think about, much less articulate, an answer. Ren roughly grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"You have the gall to run into me and then just stand there like a simpering idiot, stormtrooper?" He shoved him toward Phasma and FN-2187 stumbled.

For a long, dragging span of seconds, FN-2187 thought that Kylo Ren had finally come to his senses. That he realized that having anything to do with a stormtrooper was disgraceful, childish, and would not earn him any brownie points with his dead, ultra-powerful grandpa. And then Kylo Ren tilted his helm at him, belying the hostility in the rest of his stance. FN-2187's shoulders relaxed, then tensed back up as Phasma stepped between them. She stood much taller than FN-2187 and he had to lean to the side to see around her.

"I would much appreciate it if you did not harass my troops," she said.

"Then tell your troops not to be such imbeciles. Watch where you're going next time," Ren snarled, pointing at FN-2187. "If you live to see a next time."

"Yes, sir."

Unlike with, say, Lieutenant Mitaka, FN-2187 did not worry for even a second that Ren would do anything to hurt his captain. Phasma had been a fixture in the First Order long before either of them. As a result, there was much-deserved confidence radiating from her posture and gleaming armor.

Ren huffed and turned away. He punched out a light in the wall for good measure. FN-2187 thought that was a nice touch. Then again, maybe he was not faking his frustration at the interruption.

"Thank you, ma'am, for, uh—" He groped for the right word. "—saving me."

Saving him from going on his date sooner, he lamented.

Phasma nodded, still keeping her eyes on Ren as he disappeared. "Be careful around Lord Ren, soldier. He's dangerous."

FN-2187 had to stifle a laugh. She didn't need to tell him twice.

After saying farewell to his captain, FN-2187 started to go in a roundabout direction to get to the area where Kylo Ren had gone. Halfway there, a hand shot out from around a corner. He yelped as got grabbed by the top of his breastplate and dragged into a narrow maintenance hall.

It was Ren, of course, but FN-2187's heightened paranoia and the darkness did not allow him to think quickly enough to realize it as he had earlier. He didn't whack him across the helmet with his blaster, oh, no, his nerves were so shot that he squeezed the trigger. A ring of blue hit Kylo Ren in the chest. Thankfully for his livelihood, FN-2187 had forgotten to take it off of stun from his training.

Ren collapsed against FN-2187. FN-2187's knees almost buckled under the knight's weight.

For a long moment he just stood there, panting, before it set in: He knocked out Kylo motherkriffing Ren. With his motherkriffing standard issue F-11D blaster rifle.

Now, FN-2187 had always worried that he would do something to screw up and offend his superiors. That came with being a stormtrooper. What he could not have imagined that his particular screw up would be A) with Kylo Ren B) in a way that involved knocking him unconscious C) while he was about to go on a date with him.

"I am so sorry." FN-2187 said every swear word he knew as he hugged Ren's limp body close and patted him on the top of his helmet. "You're okay, you're okay."

Ren's head lolled and FN-2187 sighed. After a few minutes of hugging the unresponsive Ren, FN-2187 admitted to himself that he could not just stand around in a maintenance hall. So he did the only semi-rational thing, slinging one of Ren's arms around his shoulders, then proceeding to act casual as he half-carried-half-dragged Ren through the main hall. He tried to remember the approximate way toward Ren's room and headed in that direction.

After a few steps, he decided he could not deal with the sight of Ren's head flopping around like a dead thing so he pulled the cowl over him. It occurred to him to wonder why Kylo Ren wore a hood on top of his helmet. Was it just a fashion statement? Like his well-kempt hair that no one ever saw?

FN-2187 ended up running into other stormtroopers and officers in the hall. It took a couple of times of having them ogle him before he came up with an appropriate explanation.

"Training accident," FN-2187 said in his most official-sounding voice, bobbing his helm toward Ren.

He was met with nods and looks of understanding. FN-2187 continued to lie like a complete lying liar every time he ran into someone in the hall. He could not remember ever flat-out lying before and he definitely did not like the feeling, but telling the truth in this instance would be far worse.

After far too long of getting lost in identical hallways, FN-2187 found Ren's quarters. He had been sent the private access code shortly after he arrived back in his own quarters from visiting Ren the previous day. That is to say, he was sent it by way of the numbers appearing in his mind's eye along with a distinctive weight in his head. FN-2187's shouted exclamation at the sensation of what could only be the Force was warranted, he thought, but he could not explain as much to the grumpy squadmates he had woken up.

FN-2187 punched the code in, then pulled Ren inside with only minimal banging of one of the unconscious knight's shoulders. After setting Ren down on the bed and shaking out the arm that had gone numb with the stress of holding him up, FN-2187 became aware of another presence in the room (well, aside from the creepy aura that grandpa Vader's helmet exuded, anyway).

He rounded on where he saw a bit of movement on the floor, prepared to stun someone else. A startled series of binary made him lower his weapon. An R-10 chirruped at him before skittering to another section of the chamber, leaving behind the meal it had prepared on a table. FN-2187 didn't remember a table being a part of the sparse decor on the room and could only imagine Ren had brought it in with this express purpose in mind.

Setting his blaster down completely, FN-2187 walked up to investigate. The food, the glassware, the pfassking three different types of forks-it was all far fancier than anything he'd ever seen. Ren really pulled out all the stops.

And he'd ruined it. FN-2187 sighed and looked back at him. At the very least he could try and make the guy comfortable.

Hovering next to the bed, FN-2187 propped Kylo Ren up against the many pillows-who knew he enjoyed so many creature comforts? Maybe the R-10 should have tipped him off-and loosened his capelet from around his neck just in case he might strangle himself with it. Somehow he didn't think that would be the best way for a dark lord to go out.

The intimacy of the situation didn't really strike him until he found the latches on Ren's helmet and pulled it off of him. His face, smoothened of angry lines, looked placid and strange. FN-2187 swallowed as he put the helmet aside, then tried to push a bit of Ren's hair off of where it had fallen onto his forehead, lamenting the fact that he was wearing gloves and therefore couldn't feel it.

After that, he couldn't really figure out what to do with himself. He paced for a bit, disassembled and reassembled his blaster, looked at the food once more and immediately felt guilty, then ended up returning to the bed. It still felt wrong to stare. The next idea that entered his head also felt wrong, but it was a lot more compelling.

Quietly, as if there was any chance of waking up someone with an overloaded nervous system, FN-2187 took off his helmet and armor, stripping down to his body glove. Then he climbed into bed with Ren, edging toward him until he pressed flush against his side. It was just like sleeping with his squad in field simulations, FN-2187 told himself, only it completely and utterly wasn't. He didn't wrap an arm around his squadmates' middles like he did with Ren and he didn't lay his head on their chests. Maybe Ren would appreciate FN-2187 taking the initiative to hug him. After all, Ren was the one who initiated most of their embraces.

With that thought in mind, he was able to calm down a bit. Between this new sense of calm, the heat of Ren's body, and his heartbeat against FN-2187's cheek, he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep.


	5. Kissing and Comforting

FN-2187 woke up pinned underneath Kylo Ren, fighting his first instinct to head-butt him. They were chest to chest with their legs entangled around each other. Ren had propped himself up on his forearms and his face was inches from FN-2187's. His immediate view was taken up entirely by Ren's pouty lips and long nose.

All of his instincts entrenched in him from his defense training withered and died as he looked into Ren's eyes. No way was he clacking their heads together so soon after he had stunned him.

"You knocked me out," Ren said, one of the hands by FN-2187's head half-curling into a fist.

"In my defense…" FN-2187 deliberated for a moment. "I have no defense. I'm sorry."

Was he mad? Well, he always seemed to be at least a little mad, but he might be madder than usual. Judging by how FN-2187 had yet to be strangled or rend limb from limb, he was not quite at his top level of anger, but who could be sure? Kylo Ren had turned out to be even more unpredictable than he ever could have guessed.

"No one's ever knocked me out before. And you, '87…" He trailed off, vexed. "Perhaps the Supreme Leader is right not to let me finish my training."

FN-2187 recalled that same sentiment being brought up when they first met. At the very least, Ren thought of him as something more than a stormtrooper, if still a good few leagues below him. Enough so that it was humiliating to be rendered unconscious by him.

"You gave me a bit of an edge since we weren't exactly fighting," FN-2187 said, taking care not to mention that the reason he had stunned Ren in the first place was out of pure surprise. "I'm sure if we were to go head-to-head you'd destroy me."

Ren still looked put out. FN-2187 thought about what it must be like for someone with such a big ego to be brought low in such an embarrassing way. Maybe he shouldn't mention what the process of dragging him back to his room involved. How did he balance things out so Ren wouldn't be upset?

The answer ended up being right in front of his face.

"I could, you know…" FN-2187 started, then hesitated.

Ren pulled himself out of his gloom long enough to ask, "What?"

FN-2187's gaze dropped from Ren's eyes to his lips. He swallowed.

"I could make it up to you," he said, looking back and forth from Ren's lips to his eyes.

"What? How so?" Ren asked, thick as ever.

FN-2187 squeezed his eyes shut. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Say what?"

"I want to help make you feel better, by, uh," he forced his eyes open. "I want to give you a kiss."

FN-2187 half-expected Ren to knock him off of the bed and/or smother him with a pillow at the mere suggestion. Kylo Ren, being Kylo Ren, was not so easily calculated, however.

After a moment of registering what FN-2187 suggested, Ren said in a small, soft voice that FN-2187 never would have imagined would come from the man behind the fearsome knight's mask, "Oh."

FN-2187 scrunched his eyes shut and kissed him, then. It was soft and warm. He did not have anything to compare it to, but he decided that it was a good kiss, especially with Ren slipping his arms beneath him to hug him. When they separated, Ren pressed his face to FN-2187's neck and gave him a smooch there, too. FN-2187 laughed, suddenly breathless.

"That was… nice," Ren said against his neck, the last word sounding entirely foreign on his tongue.

FN-2187 pet Ren's back and said, "Yeah, it was."

They kissed again. FN-2187 thought that that one was an even better kiss. He made sure to hug Ren back that time, twice as hard.

After a few more minutes spent snuggling, they went and ate their long-since cold dinner. Initially they sat on either side of the table. Then FN-2187 decided he could not stay away from Ren and went around to sit in his lap. Ren did not seem to mind, encircling him in one arm.

FN-2187 never thought that he could be so secure around Ren and that Ren would feel the same way. Trusting someone—really, truly trusting them, enough to initiate intimate physical contact with them—was something he had not yet experienced up until that point. That it happened to be with a dark lord who had magical powers, a temper as fiery as his lightsaber, and his dead grandpa's head as a part of his decoration scheme made it all the more striking.

FN-2187 knew he should probably discuss what their future would be like. If they had one at all. But he did not want to ruin the moment, so he just let himself be held.

They met a few more times after that, sans the knocking out by way of a misfired stun from FN-2187's blaster, thankfully for FN-2187's sanity and Ren's physical health. For the most part their cuddling and kissing sessions took place in Ren's quarters, though he still managed to pounce on FN-2187 from the shadows once in a while. Taking the knight back to his own quarters was out of the question, of course; he did not want to have any of his squadmates walk in on the two of them canoodling with each other.

Or anything… else… that they might do, for that matter, if they ever worked past their mutual anxieties. FN-2187's face felt hot at the mere idea of it and he hoped that Ren never read his mind whenever he thought about that. At the moment, they were content with where they were in terms of physicality. Hugging was more than enough to help FN-2187 cope with the continuous stress that the Order put on him. He hoped it had a similar effect for Ren.

It was only the reassurance that Ren would hold him close afterward that got FN-2187 through the trauma of his first real battle on Jakku. They stared at each other at one point after the worst of it. FN-2187's head still reeled after Slip's death, but he was soothed somewhat at the strangely calming sight of Ren. He figured that if he were Force sensitive maybe he would feel whatever positive vibes Ren sent his way in lieu of embracing him in the middle of a battlefield. Then Ren had to go and startle FN-2187 out of the trance he had put him in by letting the blaster bolt he held in place with the Force go off right next to him like a gigantic jerk. FN-2187 restrained himself from shouting as much at Ren, biting his tongue only when he remembered the other 'troopers all around them, especially Captain Phasma.

FN-2187 buried his face in Ren's broad chest when he hugged him later that night after turning in his blaster for inspection. He attempted to hide his tears. It did not work, not even a little. His shoulders shook and he could not contain his sobs. Ren, not his usual cuddly self but rather clingy with worry all but squashed him.

"It's okay," Ren soothed, clumsily rubbing FN-2187's shoulders and rocking him back and forth and altogether giving the impression that he had never comforted someone before but was giving it his all.

FN-2187 tried to calm himself down, more for Ren's sake than his own, but it was next to impossible. Contributing to his grief was the fact that he knew he could not stay in the First Order, and, by extension, he could not stay with Kylo Ren.


	6. Maybe Spread a Little Love

"No, no, no!" Finn sprinted across the ruins of Takodana, screaming himself hoarse, only coming to a stop when it became clear that there was no way he could help her. "No, no, no, REYYY!"

Being away from the First Order had forced him to have some perspective. The destruction of the Republic had been an especial wake-up call. The First Order killed people on a massive scale and with little discrimination. Kylo Ren coolly gave the order for the stormtrooper squad Finn had been a part of to kill everyone in the village on Jakku only hours before he would be hugging Finn, then FN-2187, to his chest and trying to wipe away his tears.

He could not do it. He could not live in an environment that included his boyfriend giving him orders to kill a bunch of people who had only been trying to defend themselves. One where Ren regularly tortured Resistance prisoners like Poe who ended up being nicer to Finn—enough to give him a real name instead of a string of letters and numbers! Like, whoa!—than the First Order had ever conditioned him to believe.

So when Finn saw his (ex? It hurt him to think so) boyfriend carrying his new friend back to his ship, back to the First Order, he was stressed out.

Finn knew he had to help Rey. As much as Ren was capable of being sweet and cuddly as well as angry and cruel, somehow he doubted that a determined sparkplug like her would bring out the softer characteristics in the knight.

So he lied about knowing how to disable the shields on Starkiller. One thing he did not lie about, however, ended up being something he never thought he would confess.

It came up in idle conversation on the Falcon—funny how Han Solo managed to be casual despite them being on their way to blow up a huge death machine. Just another day in his life, Finn supposed—when the topic of Kylo Ren came up.

Han got noticeably tense and looked over his shoulder to where Finn sat in one of the passenger seats. "You know him?"

Chewie snuffled and looked over his shoulder, too.

Finn had realized that lying to a habitual liar was not the best option once Han called him out on lying to Rey about being part of the Resistance. But flat-out telling the truth in this instance was impossible.

"Yeah, I know him. Tall, dark, and terrifying." He tried to laugh but it sounded like he was dying so he stopped with a cough. "We've met. In a formal, military setting."

"Really," Han said flatly.

Kriff. Finn could feel himself starting to sweat.

"Yeah, I mean, what did you expect?" Then he blurted in the most defensive, stupid way possible: "I haven't been getting intimate with Kylo Ren!"

Chewie roared in what Finn could only assume was astonishment.

Han reached back from the pilot seat and grabbed Finn by his jacket collar, dragging him forward as much as he could with his seatbelt on. "You've been getting intimate with my son?"

"Your what?" Finn squawked.

The rest of the trip was very awkward for everyone involved. Both Han and Finn had a lot of explaining to do. Han, about how Kylo Ren was once Ben Solo, his son-turned-horrifyingly-evil-dark-knight. Finn, about how he had accidentally hugged that same knight, then purposefully hugged him, and perhaps managed to bring some of that Ben Solo still left in him out. Chewie interjected with grumbles that Finn had no idea how to answer. Han mostly responded with variations of "Yeah, I know, I know, we neglected him."

In the end, Finn explained for the fourth time that yes, Kylo Ren's ultimate weakness turned out to be unbridled TLC before they arrived at Starkiller and there was little time left to discuss the topic.

Finn was relieved to see that Rey had escaped from Ren unharmed and showed affection one of few ways he knew how—hugging her with all of his might. She didn't seem to mind it as much as she had the hand holding when they initially met, and for that he was glad.

Han must have taken the conversation about hugging Ren to heart, because the next thing Finn knew he was on a bridge with his son and hugging him into submission. The lightsaber that Ren held out was ignored by Han. Ren's grip on the lightsaber slipped the moment his father embraced him, dropping it into the fog-filled pit below. High above, Finn breathed a sigh of relief and smiled shakily at Rey. That situation could have gone a lot worse.

The group, now with a new member, linked back up at the Falcon as the Resistance pilots laid waste to Starkiller and Finn was finally able to see Ren again. He hid in one of the 'freshers onboard for a bit while they took off, gathering his courage and trying to figure out something witty to say. Nothing came to mind. When he came out, he found everyone at the cockpit. The continual blur of stars signifying they had jumped to lightspeed blurred Finn's vision for a moment, but he had no trouble picking out Ren's tall, dark figure against it.

"You," Ren said once he caught sight of him. "I sensed you, but I thought it couldn't be—"

Ren stomped over to Finn, altogether ignoring Han, Chewie, and Rey, and loomed over him. Finn stared him down.

Han looked between them, then warned, "Ben…"

He thought Ren—er, Ben—was about to attack him. He might be right. Ben looked an entirely new level of pissed off. At least he no longer had his lightsaber.

Then his expression crumpled and he looked leagues more sad than angry.

"Traitor," Ben whispered, his plump lower lip trembling. "You abandoned me, just like everyone else. You didn't even say goodbye. You ran off with the Resistance pilot, then with the droid and some—some scavenger girl."

That was a loaded accusation Ben had made, all of it true, but Finn found himself drawn to the emphasis he had put on that last part. "Are you jealous? Of Rey?"

Ben looked at Rey, who lifted her chin. "She's very strong and very clever. I can see why you like her."

"Well yeah, Rey is really great. But, Ren—uh, Ben—"

"Take good care of him," Ben said, taking a menacing step toward Rey, "or you will be hearing from me."

"No problem." Rey stood her ground and glared at Ben, then turned to smile at Finn. "He's the best friend I've ever had."

Finn blushed.

Ben seemed to completely ignore her choice of words. "If you ever do anything to hurt him, I assure you I will not be going as easy on you as when I read your mind for the map to Skywalker."

"Attempted to read my mind for the map," Rey corrected.

Ben snarled and started to take another step toward Rey.

"You kriffing idiot, stop being two hundred shades of possessive, threatening, and malevolent for a second. Rey isn't going to steal me away." Finn grabbed Ben by the shoulder and pulled him into a hug, pressing his face to his shoulder.

Ben's arms hung stiff at his sides as if he were caught in a daze at first. Then, ever-so-slowly, he wrapped his arms around him. Finn had missed the feeling of his body interlocked with his. It brought tingling warmth to every part of him to be held again.

"I think you guys have a bit more history than you let on, kid," Han said with a whistle.

"You really shouldn't be worried I'm going to leave you," Finn said, his voice muffled against Ben's robes, "not for good. I couldn't, since I—I love you."

"I stand corrected," Han remarked. "Extensive history."

"You… you what?" Ben's heart pounded against Finn's cheek twice as rapidly as it had mere moments before.

Finn pulled his head back and looked up at Ben's eyes. They were full of tears on the brink of spilling. He must have been overwhelmed between betraying the First Order, betraying his evil dead grandpa's legacy, too, and being rejoined with his father. A love confession probably would not be the best thing for him in terms of keeping the most emotionally volatile person he had ever met from having an overload, but Finn knew if he didn't say it right then he would lose his nerve.

"I'm so sorry I left without saying goodbye. It was cowardly and awful and I hope you can forgive me someday. It hurt to leave you behind. And that's because I love you."

"I love you too," Ben said, a couple of tears finally spilling free. "So much."

Finn had decided against kissing him at the start of this venture, mostly for the sake of their onlookers. Ben did not have any such reservations. He leaned down and all but devoured Finn's mouth, choosing that extremely inopportune time to introduce a bit of tongue into the mix.

With a concentrated effort, Finn pulled away for a few seconds. "Ben. Ben, your dad is right there. Solo, I'm sorr—mmmf—"

He was pulled back in short order.

After a minute or so, Ben seemed to calm down enough to simply hug Finn and sob for a bit. Finn rubbed his back, then found himself and Ben both encircled by a pair of furry arms and squeezed. Chewie lifted them into the air for a few seconds, yowling with happiness, then set them back down and rocked them back and forth. Han shrugged, then hugged them all too. Rey hung back, uncertain, but wrapped her arms around Finn and Chewie with a grateful look when Finn held out an arm to her.

Ben still seemed overwhelmed, his face red and tear-streaked as he sniffled, but also indisputably happy, smiling more widely than Finn had ever seen him smile. Finn smiled back at him, then shut his eyes, lay his head on Ben's chest, and enjoyed the hug.


End file.
